Marine Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach, eight months pregnant, was killed on December 15. She had accused another marine, Cpl. Cesar Armando Laurean, of raping her last year. Her burned pregnant body was found in the backyard of his home. How ironic that this gruesome tragedy occurred just before Stalking Awareness month. During the month of January, the U.S. Department of Justice's Office on Violence Against Women is asking for everyone’s help to increase awareness about stalking and share resources to stop this crime. And as in Maria's case, stalking often doesn't end with just watching and following. The toll is far greater – usually involving rape or domestic violence. Approximately 1.5 million people are stalked every year in the U.S. and 4 out of 5 of those victims are women. Here are steps you can do if you think you are a victim of stalking:
#1: Tell your stalker to leave you alone – one time only.
You might not be sure if you are being "stalked" and may not want to hurt the person's feelings. But if you are uncomfortable with the contact, you need to protect yourself. Clearly, directly and firmly tell the person to stop all further contact with you. Do this only once and DO NOT RESPOND to any further communications with the stalker. Continuing communication will encourage the stalker to continue contacting you, as negative attention is better than no attention at all.
#2: Collect evidence.
Simply telling the stalker to stop contact with you is often not enough. If this is the case, you will need evidence that you have instructed the stalker to stop contacting you. Your key piece of evidence will be a copy of the email that you sent or a recording of your conversation instructing the stalker to stop. Also think about if there were any people who witnessed the stalker's behavior. You may need these people to talk to law enforcement officials to support your claim. If the stalker gets your phone number, don't change it. Instead, make sure to keep all messages. Write down when someone hangs up without leaving a message (you can get a second (unlisted!) number for your friends in the meantime).
#1: Tell your stalker to leave you alone – one time only.
You might not be sure if you are being "stalked" and may not want to hurt the person's feelings. But if you are uncomfortable with the contact, you need to protect yourself. Clearly, directly and firmly tell the person to stop all further contact with you. Do this only once and DO NOT RESPOND to any further communications with the stalker. Continuing communication will encourage the stalker to continue contacting you, as negative attention is better than no attention at all.
#2: Collect evidence.
Simply telling the stalker to stop contact with you is often not enough. If this is the case, you will need evidence that you have instructed the stalker to stop contacting you. Your key piece of evidence will be a copy of the email that you sent or a recording of your conversation instructing the stalker to stop. Also think about if there were any people who witnessed the stalker's behavior. You may need these people to talk to law enforcement officials to support your claim. If the stalker gets your phone number, don't change it. Instead, make sure to keep all messages. Write down when someone hangs up without leaving a message (you can get a second (unlisted!) number for your friends in the meantime).
#3: Stay organized.
Keep a journal of events with dates and times, recording the stalking events in as much detail as possible, including names and contact information of any witnesses. Keep any other evidence (such as letters, voicemails, gifts) in a single safe place.
#4: Tell everyone you know that you are being stalked.
Try to get a picture of your stalker and show it to everyone you know or regularly interact with. Tell them that you are being stalked. Ask them to contact you immediately if they see the stalker. Knowing where the stalker is will help protect you, as well as gather more evidence to support your claim. Make sure to record sightings in your journal, with the name and contact information of the person who made the sighting.
#5: Practice safety precautions.
Practice safety while out in public, in your home, in your car, and everywhere in between. Safety measures are too detailed to list here, but some suggestions are keeping your personal information private (such as by unlisting your telephone number and directing all mail to a locked mailbox or post office box), not walking alone, varying your schedule, having a house alarm, having a dog, or ultimately relocating (yes, it's unfair, I know). You have to be smart, be aware of your surroundings, and protect yourself.
#6: File a police report.
Take your journal and evidence to the police station and file a report. Make sure to contact the police department every time there is an incident. If there is another incident, file a second report, and ask that the second report references the first police report. This will help tie your evidence together to build your case.
#7: Get a protective or restraining order.
A protective order (aka "restraining order") is a legal order issued by a state court which requires one person to stop harming another person. All protective order laws are state laws, not federal laws, and each state has a different law. Protective orders offer no actual protection to you from physical harm. But they may convince the stalker to stop if the stalker fears being arrested. They also give the police more power to arrest your stalker. Unfortunately, they might also anger your stalker and you may then be in more danger. You have to weight the pros and cons. You can get specific information on the laws in your state by using the pull down menu on the top, left-hand side of the page at http://womenslaw.org/more_info.htm#top. It is important that you report ANY violation of the restraining order. Then, the stalker can be prosecuted and sent to jail.
#8: Be able to defend yourself.
Take a self-defense course. If you are comfortable with a gun or will commit yourself to regular target practice to become comfortable, keep a gun readily accessible in your home and get a concealed handgun license (if your state allows one). Do not plan on using a gun if you are the least bit uncomfortable. If you pull your gun and hesitate – even for a moment – chances are that the stalker will take your gun from you and use it on you.
Victim of stalking or not, it is important that you practice personal safety and are aware of your surroundings at all times. Make sure your stalker cannot get information about you and cannot get to you. If he does, make sure you can defend yourself.
SELECTED WEBSITES
Stalking Resource Center: http://www.ncvc.org/src/Main.aspx
Stalking Handbook: http://www2.uta.edu/ssw/spence/documents/stalkinghandbook.pdf
Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness: http://www.stoprelationshipabuse.org/index.html
Keep a journal of events with dates and times, recording the stalking events in as much detail as possible, including names and contact information of any witnesses. Keep any other evidence (such as letters, voicemails, gifts) in a single safe place.
#4: Tell everyone you know that you are being stalked.
Try to get a picture of your stalker and show it to everyone you know or regularly interact with. Tell them that you are being stalked. Ask them to contact you immediately if they see the stalker. Knowing where the stalker is will help protect you, as well as gather more evidence to support your claim. Make sure to record sightings in your journal, with the name and contact information of the person who made the sighting.
#5: Practice safety precautions.
Practice safety while out in public, in your home, in your car, and everywhere in between. Safety measures are too detailed to list here, but some suggestions are keeping your personal information private (such as by unlisting your telephone number and directing all mail to a locked mailbox or post office box), not walking alone, varying your schedule, having a house alarm, having a dog, or ultimately relocating (yes, it's unfair, I know). You have to be smart, be aware of your surroundings, and protect yourself.
#6: File a police report.
Take your journal and evidence to the police station and file a report. Make sure to contact the police department every time there is an incident. If there is another incident, file a second report, and ask that the second report references the first police report. This will help tie your evidence together to build your case.
#7: Get a protective or restraining order.
A protective order (aka "restraining order") is a legal order issued by a state court which requires one person to stop harming another person. All protective order laws are state laws, not federal laws, and each state has a different law. Protective orders offer no actual protection to you from physical harm. But they may convince the stalker to stop if the stalker fears being arrested. They also give the police more power to arrest your stalker. Unfortunately, they might also anger your stalker and you may then be in more danger. You have to weight the pros and cons. You can get specific information on the laws in your state by using the pull down menu on the top, left-hand side of the page at http://womenslaw.org/more_info.htm#top. It is important that you report ANY violation of the restraining order. Then, the stalker can be prosecuted and sent to jail.
#8: Be able to defend yourself.
Take a self-defense course. If you are comfortable with a gun or will commit yourself to regular target practice to become comfortable, keep a gun readily accessible in your home and get a concealed handgun license (if your state allows one). Do not plan on using a gun if you are the least bit uncomfortable. If you pull your gun and hesitate – even for a moment – chances are that the stalker will take your gun from you and use it on you.
Victim of stalking or not, it is important that you practice personal safety and are aware of your surroundings at all times. Make sure your stalker cannot get information about you and cannot get to you. If he does, make sure you can defend yourself.
SELECTED WEBSITES
Stalking Resource Center: http://www.ncvc.org/src/Main.aspx
Stalking Handbook: http://www2.uta.edu/ssw/spence/documents/stalkinghandbook.pdf
Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness: http://www.stoprelationshipabuse.org/index.html
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